someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
did you just send me my own nude
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
