Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Everclear isn't food dammit
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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