Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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