This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
