I think I just saw someone hide a body.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
