The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
should my penis look like a turkey
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
