my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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