If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I checked into jail on foursquare
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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