I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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