when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
