I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
