I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
