I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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