dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
