need another drink. this is the easiest way
we have officially lost it.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
