wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
