it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
