So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
