moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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