Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
