So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
