Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
