BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
