dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
3pm strippers are depressing
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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