Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
