if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
