mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
