the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
