my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
