is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
