theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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