dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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