Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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