wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
