sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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