Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My ass is underappreciated
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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