As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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