ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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