fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
