If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize