I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
