not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I came so hard my ears popped.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
