dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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