You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
there is glitter all over my balls
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