Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
