Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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