thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
