i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
