you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize