the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize