watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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