then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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