google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
