Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
