I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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