Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize