If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
