come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Can I color on your dick again?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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