I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
