Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
