The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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