Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
