I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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