Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
