i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
